Feck It. I'm Goin' To Ireland!: The Belfast Castle~ Come Eat Dinner With Me, "I Got Pounds." : ]

I Am Justin Crum

My name is Justin Crum. Through Southern Oregon University, I am on the verge of meeting you soon for my educational travels in Ireland. It is an honor to introduce myself and acknowledge a little about me and what I wish of this adventure.
When I was 23, I found out I was Irish. My Great Grandmother Maxwell explained our linage to me before she passed on. She was almost a hundred years old. Long ago, when the Middle East became enlightened about the world not being flat, the Masonic Forefathers who created this country wrote the Constitution that granted freedom of speech, choice, and religion. A man from Ireland was intrigued about the freedom of a new world beyond the ocean, and so he set sail over the Atlantic. He created family with a beautiful native of these lands before the Westward Expansion began around the birth of this Nation. My Great Grandmother Maxwell came from that linage. I found it out when I was 23, which explained my big, red, wully-bully beard I grew in Alaska a year prior to this. Me discovering I was Irish explained a lot of things though.
And more so, I am from Bandon, Oregon. Just as much as I am Irish by my heritage, my home town is too. Long ago around 1850 or maybe more particularly 1859, there was an Irish Lord named George Bennet. He was a descendent of Thomas Bennet, who was the governor for Baltimore Castle, under Queen Elizabeth the I. Lord Bennet was born in Bandon, Ireland to a very wealthy aristocratic family. To make a long story short, he purchased 400 acres of land and united two different districts on the West Coast of America in Oregon, and named it after his hometown: Bandon. He seen my hometown beaches for himself more than a century before I came to be alive. I always found my power and serenity at these beaches and apparently it resembled the landscape and beauty that reminded Lord Bennet of where he was from, in Cork County.
He also brought Golden Gorse to the lands of Bandon. In 1936, Bandon Oregon had the hugest fire that destroyed the town from opposite ends. The only area that survived the fired of 1936 came to be known as “Old Town.” Which now, is a tourist attraction of downtown gift shops close to the ports. Many people believed the Irish Lord George Bennet to be responsible for spreading the “Golden Shrub” that became the fire hazard that “fanned the flames” of that catastrophe. To him though, gorse itself, was planted to keep Ireland close to his heart while he was here. It also kept cattle within certain perimeters like fencing before it spread out of control like wild fire. And for other aspects of his journeys, Lord Bennet made remarkable work with some of the books or reports he wrote of when he published his experiences in the essays traced to Ireland. He wrote chronicles of his observations and discoveries in Bandon, Oregon. Irish Lord George Bennet was an adventurer and an opportunist, a lot like myself.
I come from a really rare chance in life. Some of the most breath-taking and pain-staking experiences have made me who I am. And to find out that chances of a life-time have me heading to a place I have just as much history from is beyond the most inspirational dream come true. I have always been a very energetic, intelligent, and ambitious person. I am very creative and strong-minded. I love music, nature, wisdom, and conversation (among many other things too, of course). I’m very social and civil. I have always been a lot of fun to be around. I enjoy laughter, humor, and good-hearted hospitable people. I have held that as an impression of the people in Ireland for quite some time. I’m sure they’re feisty too but I guess that is also a part of Irish roots. :)
Of the things that I hope to anticipate during my stay there for a little while, I have a few specific places I’d like to be able to experience. Bandon Ireland in Cork County if possible (of course), I also am very interested in the Giant Causeway, and I honestly want to see castles if I can. Several castles, many castles, any castles. I honestly don’t know about many of the amazing things worth seeing there. And in all humility, I honestly don’t know if my currency will take me as far as my imagination might wish. I know I’ll only be able to see so much while I’m there, regardless of what more I might wish to see once money becomes an obstacle for me (if that happens). Either way, with all things considered, I am truly thrilled about what is to come. I’m honestly in awe that these things are even falling into place for me. I hope to make the most of my time. I’m very down-to-Earth. And I will look forward to seeing you when I do.

Best Regards,
Justin Crum

~~WHAT IT IS~~

Though This Is Technically Called A "Blog," I Refer To It As An 'Internet Book' That Is An Electronic Journal, Diary, or Record of My Adventures In Ireland. Do Not Mind The Length or Language Because I Am Doing This For Myself As Much As I Am Doing This For AHA International Too. I Am Very Honored They Have Gave Me This Opportunity*

And For The Record, I DO Believe In God and Praise The Lord* Regarding all Hardships and Challenges in Life: I Always felt that if God Would Bring You To It, He Will Bring You Through It. I Am A Man of Faith & Ambition and I Have Always Took Inspiration and Motivation Seriously. You Only Have One Life To Live & I Have Made It A Point To Refuse To Let Life And My Dreams Pass Me By. I Have Never Let My Fire Die. And I Was Never Scared or Afraid of Putting Myself In The World I Never Knew. I Never Had Cold Feet To Leave And Pursue My Dreams. This Is An Account That Proves These Things To Be True*

Regardless of Who Knows or Not.

And Below, there are posts that are daily accounts columned by dates along the left side. There is a narrow panel along the right side with many pictures. Below the actually postings on the left that are of every day or every other day, you'll see a link that says, "Older Postings." Most People miss this, but it will link you to the the beginning of my transcriptions that are now considered to be "past-tense." When or if you were to look at older postings, it will throw the layout balance a little off but it shows a lot of what has went on since the moments I was heading to the Bay Area in California as I was on my way to fly to Ireland. Just a way to "backtrack" I guess. Take Care.

And There ain't No Way I Wouldn't Say It: I HAVE THE GREATEST PARENTS IN THE WORLD:

Robert & Connie*

~*My Dad Is A King And My Mother Is An Angel*~

"We Are All Alloted To A Star" ~ Plato

"I’m from America. A place they say is free. But since I was 14, I haven’t seen liberty and justice for all in this land. It’s more freedom and justice for those who can afford it. I started to dispise materialistic stupidity. And some form of contempt towards my surroundings made me withdraw from those around me. I began a quest for knowledge. It isn’t normal that a kid wish to make as much of a difference to the multitudes as the subjects of his studies have for him."

Justin Crum

Study Abroad Program: Dublin Ireland

Justin Crum

A Transitional experience in my life that I will always remember and reflect on was venturing into Alaska. The positive outcome of this transitional experience was me beginning my education. My life before this was very difficult because I had to juggle my fair share of dead-end jobs and become my own man before things began falling into place for me. As we know life is full of stepping stones, I sought to move to a place that had more opportunity for me. Ashland and SOU became my determination. I never had much handed to me so a traditional route into college from high school wasn’t going to happen right away because I had to worry about getting out on my own first. I felt discouraged to know that I couldn’t even get into college as early as I wanted to but I knew someday it would work out if I kept trying.

When I knew it was certain that I would be going to Alaska, it was my underlying goal to work as hard as I could to set myself up financially so I could buy a reliable vehicle, a laptop, and anything else I knew I would need for my future at a University. I disappeared and I went to a snowy island for four months. The difficulties I encountered ended up becoming an adventure of a life-time. We worked every day, seven days a week, for all the time we were there. Hours exceeded 80 or 100 a week. It tested my psychology. I dealt with labor injuries. I worked through my delirium, acquired a few scars, and did not give up.

The positive aspects of my time on that island were really beyond life within civilization back at home. I know the clarity of the clean glacier air up there, being close to the polar-caps, had a very powerful affect on my dreams. Among many other things I have realized there, I discovered that when you begin to know great people you haven’t met in your life before, the chances of reinventing yourself and knowing more of who you are reflects through new friends. There were people there who truly seen every bit of good in me even when I myself was having very tough times. I have had some of the most amazing memories at that chapter of my life. I found friends that were very hilarious and encouraging. I conquered what might make most people cringe. And I flew from home over all those Alaska Lagoons knowing that so many more things were gonna become possible for me. I became more stable, strong, responsible, and ambitious. When I returned to civilization and developed a new home at Ashland Oregon, the University accepted me one magical morning when I myself thought I might have been denied. Since then, I have been an A B student and I have tackled my desires as I have always meant to.

Since my time in Alaska, these are some of my accomplishments that have came true for me now that I have life here at the University. I run my own television shows out of the studio, and I conduct my own radio shows for my love of music. I have developed my own internet site to reflect my life from at Crumology.blogspot.com. I hold three jobs and full time college courses. I have been in Student Film Festivals. I have qualified and have been accepted for the National Student Exchange that has made the Virgin Islands possible. And I am seeking to fly to Ireland through the Study Abroad Program at SOU in the Summer, for all the adventures it may entail. I have never wanted anything more. Thank you for your consideration.

Justin Crum

~What I'll Miss and Wish For The Most~

I know now, that most of what I’ve wished has happened for me even after I was the one who was once done believing. So I felt compelled to acknowledge what I will miss while I am gone.

I know I will miss working like I like to. I know I’ll miss running my radio shows. I know I’ll miss those that are close to me. And the mountain as well. I'm missin' my other Brother & Main Man Dan, to tha fullest. As Well as all the crew and the homeboys too. And even when I didn’t see it comin’, I actually found out that I meant enough to someone that I hoped the most for (and with). Having discovered a new level with someone who I felt to be special to me, it kinda made me feel how good things really could be even when things seem uncertain. There is so much more I’ll have to accomplish when I return someday. And hopefully when I do, I could resume what has begun in the month of June here in 2009. I will never know what life will be like when I leave, live, and return… But somehow I wish I could take a friend with me. I didn’t see it that my dreams could become THIS true. I have never been so content or excited since I’ve known and felt the things that occurred on a great day in Bandon and since then. And here soon, in a matter of hours, I will be on my way to the Bay Area. And I guess I’m living proof that things I had always believed in somehow manifested themselves to me before I am to leave. Take Care and remember me while I’m away. And let me stay on your mind for some of the time I’m not here… There is something I have to find out about for myself.

Justin Crum / 6-26-09

~The Most Remarkable Dream I've Ever Had In My Life~

I woke up to a dream that was entirely too magical for me to convey. It has a direct relation to all of what I’ve been learning regarding the realm of the ‘Forever Young.’ Another ‘Other World’ where day never turns to night, and love never turns to sorrow. A place where youth is eternal. I have transcribed what I’ve learned from my Ancient Irish Literature classes in The Institution of Art, Design, & Technology (IADT) in my Internet Book (that is technically called a “Blog”) but it wasn’t until the night I went to sleep after the day I felt my life might have changed in a way that I experienced something in the Dream World that is STILL honestly beyond me.

I was approaching a spa. A hot Tub. Something some-what mystical. I could never remember what was around this body of water. Or what was in the background. But when I went into this spa or hot spring… I was half-naked and up to my knees at first. Then I was up to my waist. Soon, I submerged myself into the water completely. This is where things became very fantasy-like. I kept my eyes open the whole time I was above and below the water, making it a point to refuse to close my eyes when I went below the surface of the water. In all life as a human, when you go beneath the water, your vision becomes obscured and blurred. In this dream, for what ever it might mean, as my eyes were open and when I was going from above the water to beneath the water, my vision was just as clear in an aqua-world, much like a person’s vision with something like water goggles or scuba gear. It was as if I could see just as clearly in the water as a man can on land. This was nothing my head, heart, or soul has ever felt, whether it was only a "DREAM" or not. I remembered it very vividly.
It got better.

Your eyes are one of the five senses within what it means to be human. It is the sense you perceive the world by. Or perceive the world through. And for me to some-how see just as clearly by my own ‘naked’ eye in the water as much as anyone does on Earth, I became curious in a way that I’ve never really felt before. Even more so though, I noticed in a moment that I actually started to be able to breath under water. I had exhaled in the spa or hot spring that seemingly became a little deeper than what I first believed it to be. I went to breath in and naturally or magically, I slowly noticed I was not suffocating at all. In a slow subtle way, I became very comfortable under water. So much that I noticed I was under water for an extraordinary amount of time. Something that is not possible in the world of science and reality.

I became so astonished with this, and bewildered, that my curiosity honestly got the best of me. Maybe I was becoming to anxious with this new-found foreign sensation because I went to take a very deep breath… And then was when my dream was beginning to end. I started to choke on water only a little, but enough to warrant me to return to the surface for air. Much like a fish out of water. I went to emerge up and out from the waters I experienced this in. Before I came to the surface where air was, knowing I could breath a little better, before my eyes went from water to the Real World again, something TOUCHED me… Something really touched me, physically. I felt it on my skin… I even saw something. I could not make it out. It was gentle and maybe welcoming in a way. I don’t not know what it was or why I was chose to be touched like this. Let alone knowing why I was experiencing a seemingly fictional Aqua-World in ways that isn’t even conceivable at all.

No one sees just as clear through water as they do on land, let alone becoming comfortable with your respiration when your in water. It is not possible. But some-how, I felt this in this dream. It was real to me. And for everything it has to do with in relation to what I’ve learned in my Irish class of Folklore, Legend, & Mythology, it honestly was very telling. I can not grant my interpretation of this dream because it would forsake the implications that lead to these degrees of magic. You do NOT disclose reasons for bein’ personally privileged regarding realms that transcend this dimension, according to Irish Tradition and Celtic Worlds. To do so would rid you of what you know and feel, meaning it would not be granted again. Much in the same way fictional fairies abandon their humans who become close to them. A lot like the movie Pan’s Labyrinth. I will hold my own confidential ideas of what this particular dream means. And if water ever really WAS a gateway…. I’m left in my own recollections~

My First Few Days In A Nutshell.

Some of the things I thought to be kind of funny within the first few days, I was walking to the main way and a Van of Irish girls saw me at the cross-walk. They all started hootin’ and hollerin’ at me, hangin’ out the window yellin’ and whistling at me when I was walkin. I’m sure they seen my sunglasses, my beard and bandana, and my American attire. I just believed they knew I was from the States and I just smiled, laughed and waved back.

Sunday I went to Praise the Lord at a monastery, just checking out how it was because religion and history are very rich in Ireland. I ended up getting reprehended by a priest in a Cathedral for having “My head covered in the Church.” I’m sure he just didn’t like bandanas. Especially in a Cathedral, though I would’ve wished to be viewed as an “adventurer” if in fact he thought a bandana to be anything other than that.

On the way to school, I had recollections of flying across America, beneath Iceland, and into Ireland.

Today was my first day of orientation and I had my first day of class as well. It was AMAZING. On the way to school at The Institution of Art, Design, and Technology, I was listening to my ipod on random and out of 2000 songs, my ipod chose a song that my wonderful lady-friend found on an awesome day we got away for ourselves. It was a song regarding what people stood up for even in a world full of hate. It is by the Band called LIVE, from an album called 'The Distance To Here.' I thought that was very ironic because the night before, I had wrote her a letter that made me emotional missing her.

And as soon as I got to school, we got a buncha badass books about Ancient Irish Literature. I’ll keep them forever. And afterward, me and a teenage kid I met, Wayne, we went to the peer in Dun Laogaire. He was only 17 but I appreciated his company. He was talkin to me of his significant other. And in respect to his disclosure, I began to tell him about mine as well. We walked and talked all the way to the peer of the Dun Laogaire, where we could see England and all the wonderful ports. He was kinda having a hard time because the one girl he liked the most seemed to be growing distant to him. I gave him the floor for expressing himself and his ideas of what he felt for her. I asked questions of course, to gain a better understanding. He claimed to be in love with this girl. I asked him what that meant in his eyes. He acknowledged that she made him feel a certain way that he hasn’t felt before with anyone else. I gave him my own social work and advise about a lot of things. And for as much as he shared with me, I told him as much of what has occurred in my life regarding the one I think the world of. It was cool to hear him out and to be heard just as much. We took pictures of Dun Loagaire from the harbor across the water bay. A distant overview of one of Dublin’s suburbs.

I know I really appreciated his company and I’m sure he appreciated mine as well. We kept humor and truth close to our conversations. I kinda explained some of the things I’ve learned regarding lessons of life and love. He seemed like to the type that mighta needed to hear such things. He went home to do homework, I took my foreign Student Bus Fair through the heart Of Dublin to the City Center for the first time. I seen so much medieval structures everywhere I looked. It was very impressive. Even though Dublin is one of the most expensive cities in the world. I’ve never seen anything like it at all, let alone knowing that I even could at any point in my life. I was bewildered and fascinated.

~Dreams~

I decided to give an account about some of the dreams I’ve been having here. It is almost a lot like when I traveled to Alaska and the air up there had a powerful affect on the dream world. Here and Now, I’m beneath Iceland and in Ireland, where the weather is always unpredictable and moist and wet, with only 5 hours of darkness. My dreams have been very strong lately. I have also had nightmares as well. Some that were hard to shake and frightening to feel. I’ve noticed that there may be a balance between the same amount of dreams and Nightmares I’ve been having. The dreams are awesome, the nightmares are too much for me sometimes.

My Nightmares

There was a nightmare I had where I woke up to my door opening by itself. What was the point in acting like I was supposed to hide or play like I was asleep? I felt very freaked out because what ever opened it was transparent. And this door wasn’t even supposed to exist either because it was behind my desk and my VAIO. So me interpreting these things as I was seeing them and feeling them, there was already a scary implication and I was very filled with fear. The moment I woke up to this, I was uncomfortable, then when that fear exploded in me, I jumped out of bed with my hair standing on the back of my neck. I saw nothing but did not feel alone at all. When I panicked down stairs, I got to the kitchen here in my Host Families Home and I saw no one I could consult or interact with. Then I woke up. And I also went and ate some medicine while I was at it.

Then there was another one that was kind of terrifying. I saw a half-naked red-head turn into Emily Rose on me. I would not consent to certain things she requested of me and it created some war-twinge in her. I did not like this nightmare at all.

These Were Some Of My Dreams

The dreams I have been having lately that have to do with water kinda got me wondering some things. I wrote of the very first one and that is beneath Nina’s picture, but of others that I have not mentioned yet, I remember I was on my first paddy wagon tour when we were all posted up in a hostel.

Copper Green Water Spring

I was roomed with Sean and several Australians, and few from Europe. Before I fell asleep (I wasn’t sleeping well at all in this time of my life) I burried my head in the pillow and laid there for only 5 or 10 minutes. Before I actually slipped into my deep sleep, I kept seeing a gorgeous copper green water spring. I was looking through to the bottom and it only seemed about 7 or 8 feet deep. I noticed the rocks beneath it but it was shimmering in a very lite or calm way. There was sand at the bottom and it seemed very inviting. It was copper green though.

My Cousin MARK

Recently, I also have had a dream about my cousin MARK. It seemed like a very hurtful dream. Not really to me, but that it might have reflected a reality for him and his home he was raised in. I wish I could talk to my Dad about it. I don't believe it's a good idea to transcribe it in this internet book because of the dysfunction, love, and hurt that it illustrated. Regarding him being at home, or moving out on his own - saying goodbye to his parents (or TRYING to say goodbye to his parents), I had often wondered since that dream occured, why it would be relayed to me in the dream world. I believe I'm the only one who actually understands my cousin as much as I do. And I know I had always been the one who gave him someone to talk to where as, other people had a hard time accepting a lot of his conduct. He had always looked up to me and spoke to me with respect and admiration. Even when it wasn't that way for other people or from other people. I often wonder if there was a purpose for that dream. Not that I could say it or relay it from 8 time zones over-seas.

I Couldn't Tell Ya

And though this might be too much self-disclosure, there have also been dreams of literally intimate physical fantasies. Though it also entailed the Heart, Mind, Body, and Soul I guess. Times of clear night skies, endless camping nights. Times when hands were clutched together. Amorous chances that weren’t taken for granted I guess. Things that felt familiar. There was also elements of understanding. Things that became acknowledged even though meta communicating seemed like something people are usually timid about. Then in this dream, it flashed recent scenes of my life as if I had the chance to converse with a person while I’m here.

Sleeping Underwater

I had a dream that I woke up and was already in water. I was coming out of sleep though so I did not feel as panicked as I was tired. My body was so relaxed that I did not move even though I was thinking that I should be. It was sort of like I was paralyzed but in a good way. We my eyes were opening and I was in and out of sleep, I kept noticing the bottom of the pool. I was thinking to myself in my own human nature, and that I had already decided to go up for air… Then I part of me was like, “I don’t need to.” And I continued to rest really comfortably. I kept seeing the bottom of the pool and it was an art design with the most rich detail. It was the painting from my school folder here. It was a Tiger, lying in the tropical backdrop an Idealized World.

The Native Americans Always said that The Dream World Is Sometimes Wiser than The Waking One.

What I'd Wish For If The Choice Was Mine To Choose*

I have recently been recalling a lot of things lately. Things I wish I could do if in fact I had the chance to choose. Before that is spoken though, I have also felt compelled to transcribe many of the literal dreams that I have been having. As well as things that I guess I might still worry for. I do not have the time though because of my academic responsibilities and educational obligations. But if in fact I did, these would be some of the things I’d make it a point to do, if the chance or choice was mine to choose.

I wish I could talk to my Dad for like two hours. I wish I could sit down and write my Uncle Jeramie another 5 page letter, even though last time I did something like that regarding previous travels in life, it wasn’t read because he thought that all of what I went to write or transcribe had something to do with what happened to me at the beginning of the millennium. One of my cousins said that he said that I talk negatively about him when he has always honestly been one of my favorite people in my life, or the world, and he always will be. He has the coolest, most beautiful, badass, down-to-Earth Wife for Life and their daughters, my new little Crum cousins - Alexa & Erica, they are by far the most adorable children to of ever come from my family tree. I literally cried when I heard Alexa tell me she loved me over the phone and she wasn't even 2 Years Old... They are so smart for only being at that beginning of their wonderful lives. I love my Dad and him (among all of my family) so much. I miss my other Uncles as well. Rick, who I had always learned a lot from, as well as two other Uncles in prison.

And If I could, I would sit down and write my cousin Mark a ten page letter. Just to help him through his days because he has been having a lot of spiritual warfare within him regarding his past that he can’t seem to leave behind. He had always rendered doubt and ridicule even when he wanted to mean well. So in turn, he subsequently ended up living a life that reflected the disrespect he had received more often than not.

I know that I wouldn’t need to write or speak to my mother because in spirit, I know she knows I am happy and well and in likewise retrospect, she had always been the happiest 45 year old little girl I’ve ever known in all my life. Someone who appears just as young and beautiful as she is cheerful and charming. She was always so much fun to see and be around so there were never any worries or mends that needed be made or concerned for. Even though it’d be a blast to hear her laugh over the phone*

And even more so, something that kinda stays on my mind most of the days in more ways than I guess I can try and transcribe, I really wish to the hugest part of my heart that I could speak with a little girl who I would wish I could have an excessive amount of reasons for sensing faith from, regarding things I’d wish or hope for. It is kinda hard though because she is a very beautiful and vibrant lady so I couldn’t believe that she would be negligent to all the people who would be at her for her aura, especially when she’s incredibly sexy. Just that I might be able to hear her voice for an unconfined amount of time would help me here.

And that my little cousin Heather could possibly be free of any more hardships or teenage conflicts. That would grant me a comfortable piece of mind because her parents can’t really be there for her. One of them literally, the other… Well… She isn’t much of a parent in most ways.

I’d also like to relay the astonishing things I’ve been learning too. But it can’t be done because of how intense and extensive it is. I really felt like my life might have changed today. I rendered such a degree of inspiration and identity, from the dream I had woke up with this morning, as well as the more descriptive things I’ve learned about Tir Na NOG. A realm where heroes of the old reside until they are needed again in the mortal world. A place that is deemed to be fiction, though it entails islands under water, or islands accessible by water. A place where fairies (not gay guys) and magical creatures once were before the ‘Time of Forgetting.’

Regarding the relevance of these things I have learned recently, here I am writing about my thoughts, rather than diving into my assignments. Sometimes I believe transcribing my thoughts or creating records of the things I think and feel are either just as vital as what I’m learning, or perhaps maybe more vital than what I am being taught. But because I believe that what I am learning, as well as what I’m thinking are both vital to me, however my time lends itself in these endeavors; I honestly can’t loose.

These Irish mythologies are very synonymous to personal mythology that I have created myself. I released two of those pieces of my own contrived mythology into my first internet book. One was Called ‘Vida Eve Shereken’ and the other was of a dream that I had from the Snow-Capped Island (Alaska) with a subtitle called ‘Wish I May.’ However, I stripped them from the internet where my first online book is because I believed it to be too romantic, personal, and prophetic. I’m quite sure people would think I’m outta my mind for that kind of shit :) But it had ultimately came from heartbreak and was basically regarding a fictional character I had created that I seen as a scapegoat for my hopes. Its nuts, I know. But I guess it was a creative writing piece that illustrated a fantasy of someone who understands me, because I’m pretty complex at times that I’m not simple or straight forward. Maybe that is what other people see as “Deep.” I found all these things to be a world of significance to me because of the things I began to learn from my Professor Michelle Piazza (Who is a Goddess in herself).

Most of these things would have never been known in a materialistic America. So in a way, it made me ponder on the concepts of destiny and fate: which are two words that are hardly heard of in the United States, at least with most I’ve known growing up, culturally. In America, people care more about how people dress and more people seem to be impressed by what someone drives rather than who someone is. I have my own criticisms about the observations of my own nation, especially when it comes to stupidity. But Ireland is very rich in history, folklore, legend, spirituality, and dreams in general. How ironic that these virtues are up my alley*

I've Been Growing a Little Irate & Restless Lately...

I'm quit sure I know why too. But Lately, I've been catching myself fantasizing in my own mind about becoming confrontational to a few people back at home that I have justified problems with. I'm not gonna say that I've been fantasizin' about violence with anyone because I'm sure that's not too pleasant to see, read, or hear. But I think reasons why these fantasies of being confrontational to a few people probably have a lot to do with a certain medication situation that can't be present. Something that helps me relax and laugh at life. Something I believe holds more "medical validity" (to me) than half of the PHARMACEUTICAL things I've been prescribed for an endless amount of medical issues. And though I have technically overcame my Psychotic Disorder and I no-longer eat anti-psychotics, my Psychotic Disorder always became amplified when a certain recreation medication was not present in my unique psychology. And in times when I'm in my own mind about those kinds of things, regarding justified confrontation, a lot of the powerful music I love & listen to seems to produce an adrenaline in me, a sense of empowerment, a literal physical feeling (beyond just a good strong song).

So some times, after a difficult or fuct up day, I could wish to just ‘change my head’ and use recreation medication as a placebo for optimism and follow through laughin’ and relaxin’. And let my mind be more positive instead of dwelling on things that would passionately upset me. But among conservative people or people of right-wing ideologies, it is considered “Bad” or “Shameful” or even “Criminal.” It doesn’t make sense to me that people can offer whiskey, liquor, and beer here like it’s not only ok, but practically encouraged; which (in excessive amounts) leads to vomiting, morning-after “Brain Pain” and a conscious that has to consider the stupid decisions the next day that might not of been chosen if one wasn’t impaired in the first place. Yet if someone uses an excessive amount of recreation medication, all they would need is food and sleep, instead of rendering vomit, hardcore hang-overs, or behavior that often leads to fighting and ****ing. Butt do not misunderstand me, I love the culture here in Ireland and I do drink my ass off when I want to. I just don’t trust myself drunk sometimes. And I’d rather be creative, productive, and oriented around laughter and a relaxed frame of mind if the choice was mine to decide. That option would be a blessing. But this isn’t CRUM NATION though so… I’ll tear it up anyway.

Of other things though, I have had a few people notice my wallet. They said that it might attract people in a pub. It was presumed that as soon as someone was to sense an American accent and see my wallet that somehow seems to remind a lot of people about the TV show SEINFIELD, (not that I watch Seinfield, or TV at all for that matter), they might become attracted to my phat American Wallet thats pretty thick because of all of "Crum's Profiles," (the thing weighs a couple pounds). Even my colleages, professors, and academic advisors at home in Southern Oregon University recommended me not bringing my wallet because it could be viewed as a "target." But if any evil people were to attempt to mean-mug me about my big wallet they'd find out in a heartbeat why they oughta not.

Recently, I also have had a dream about my cousin MARK. It seemed like a very hurtful dream. Not really to me, but that it might have reflected a reality for him and his home he was raised in. I wish I could talk to my Dad about it. I don't believe it's a good idea to transcribe it in this internet book because of the dysfunction, love, and hurt that it illustrated. Regarding him being at home, or moving out on his own - saying goodbye to his parents (or TRYING to say goodbye to his parents), I had often wondered since that dream occured, why it would be relayed to me in the dream world. I believe I'm the only one who actually understands my cousin as much as I do. And I know I had always been the one who gave him someone to talk to where as, other people had a hard time accepting a lot of his conduct. He had always looked up to me and spoke to me with respect and admiration. Even when it wasn't that way for other people or from other people. I often wonder if there was a purpose for that dream. Not that I could say it or relay it from 8 time zones over-seas.

The Native Americans Always said that The Dream World Is Sometimes Wiser than The Waking One.

The Most Fuct Up Day I've Had Here In Ireland: July 14th*

Between classes, I was walking to the Cafeteria to get some FOOD. I was coming down the hall and one of my female friends here asked me, “How are you Justin?”

In all honesty, I said, “I don’t know anymore to be truthful.” She seemed sincere in an attempt to empathize. So I continued, knowing it was welcomed to do so.

“I just got a lot of shit to worry about, at the same time I got a lot of shit on my mind. Kinda stressed over a lack of answers for questions my patience is tested over. Lack of coping medications as well as stressful severed communications. I wonder of rewards for over-exerted efforts, or even bigger wishes. Whether they could be mine in time to save me from my mood-swings, or not. I kinda feel unprotected and on edge. My own emotional turmoil over not knowing certain things, I guess. And I already have so many responsibilities, obligations, and dilemmas to even keep up with. Sometimes distance, doubt, and all of the demands here and now… It’s kinda becoming a little too much for me honestly. That’s all. Regarding what I’ve felt recently in life, I guess I can admit that there are some things I just need right now whether I actually see them or receive them or not. I already sense a breakdown right around the corner. Yet, if I was flooded with security, communication, and all the emotional positivity I seem to be missing so much here and now, perhaps my worries would be less I guess. And aside from my personal life, I’m becoming stressed regarding all of what I have to do and live up to here. That is doesn’t end, and that I have to keep up with everything when I don’t even feel like myself right now. I guess I’ll continue to wait… I‘ve always been a patient person, but I‘m close to losing myself. I‘m sure.”

And later that day, I DID begin my breakdown. I had a pretty fuct up day. I kept running into Murphy’s Law everywhere I walked and it was fuckin’ up how I talk. I had some really bad, and weird things happen that I’ve never experience once in my life. My personal life is one thing that had me on edge as it was. Me being cut off from communicating through the internet to my family and a girl back at home was another. Then as if my plate ain’t beyond full enough as it is, it seemed that my computer got destroyed. Which scared the fuck outta me. That set me off because right now, that is the LAST thing I can afford to have happen - for EVERY aspect of life. That would have been the most catastrophic disaster possible. I’m forced to live through my laptop these days. And I’ve already been rendering an extraordinary amount of stressful complications. When my VAIO had me believing EVERYTHING was going to crash, aside from the homework I’m trying to keep up with… It kinda made me tick.

I came to find out when I got to my Host Home later that day, that through the European News, my Host Brother John said he saw a broadcast about a super-serious “Cyber Attack” on the Internet Networks here. It explained why I believed everything to be lost and destroyed when my computer acted fucked as if it was forever. All of my life is within my VAIO and to be under the impression that my computer was destroyed internally, I didn’t know if there could’ve been anything worse to occur in this amazing life of mine during times that were almost already unbearable for me because of other separate concerns I could not shake.

Earlier in the day, I stayed in my own mind transcribing a conversation between me and a friend here about what has been entirely too difficult for me. Mainly having to do with doubt, distance, unanswered wishes… That someone I like in virtually everyway, I can not convey all of what I mean to say. It kinda bothers me because whether I would actually choose to or not, I usually am not FORCED to bottle things up at all. Having communication severed from those that are close to me isn’t something I’ve ever been used to at all. It’s everything I had always THRIVED on, to be truthful. And because I could not talk or hear from someone that is very important to me… At the end of the day, I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. All it is good for is the information for all of my contacts back at home. Feeling what I started to though… I looked at all the text messages from her that were there since before I flew to Ireland. It reminded me of the way things were back at home before I had to leave. I seen the things she told me in those text messages and I lost it - Right there in the parking lot out side of my College there in Dun Laoghaire. As I began to cry, I just pulled my sunglasses over my eyes. That my eyes were hidden and that people would not recognize the emotion in them… Or the water fallin’ from them. I went to wash my emotional face and drink water and breath a bit. Me believing my computer to be destroyed, me not knowing certain things because of a lack of communication, me being forced towards hardships I never expected due to complications that came from previous housing situations, me hoping to stay caught with homework, it all got to me… My good friend St. Daniel was there to help me with everything, though he never knew what my eyes were like on the other side of those sunglasses… I was caught up in negativity because so many crazy, hurtful, weird things started to occur with personally. Leading me to wonder what more could go wrong. He played a Jerky Boys CD on the way to the office where I could get my hands on the internet in hope to set up a SKYPE account that cold put me in touch with who later became my girlfriend (if it’s ok to say), my family, and my friends. That Jerky Boys CD was Funnier than Fuck man. Even though I was still within my own personal hysteria, that CD made me laugh man. And my laughter was unstoppable even though moments before I was kind of cryin’ a bit, because I guess I had to. And I held my emotions in well. They could not tell. It helped that their company went to distract a lot of my thoughts I couldn’t seem to escape or find any answers for. Sometimes, I’m one person who, for some reason or another, I’m forced to experience some unrelenting amount of hardships or struggles whether I wish to at all or not. Granted, I've always prevailed in every single one of them - Which as made me who I am and brought me as far as I've came. And when I had believed myself to have the worst day since I’ve been in Ireland… Things turned around almost instantly once I could talk to those close to me at home.

Up to this point, I had already experienced some things that I believed to be fun, strange, terrifying, stressful, hilarious, extraordinary, and adventurous. Things like having a couple nightmares (which is unusual and intolerable), a few nights of nocturnal emission (for those who actually know what that IS), times that I had almost broke down and cried regarding what I miss the most, as well as relentless restlessness and a lot of strong laughter… And as I had uploaded a text element in my Internet Book of ‘Being in Ireland,’ regarding things that pertained to “What I Would Like To Do If Time Was Mine To Choose,” I had wrote of wanting to speak to a lady-friend for an unconfined amount of time. Ironically, whether it had to do with the Law of Attraction, or the Essence of "Faith" - Somehow it happened soon after the days I had expressed it as a wish. It happened the next morning after the most fucked up day I had the previous day before. Then after speaking with her for more than 3 hours, things became what actually seemed to help me over here even though it wasn’t something I truthfully expected. We had always been such genuine friends to each other even after all the things that were so hard for me to see or accept. So much that when we did talk to each other, there came a conversation that granted some of the answers that I was previously tangled over all the days before. I felt back on track again. And then I also was able to talk to my parents about my happiness here even though things were problematic for me for a while.

Shortly after those moments came to an awesome end, we went to Dublin Castle and I seen things there that I wouldn’t of ever even imagined at all. Sometimes I wonder why when at the last minute or moment that I’m forced to purge my “hard-to-handle” emotions, all the opposite of it actually comes around ‘full-circle’ for the best. Sometimes I think to myself that it shouldn’t HAFTA be like that. But sometimes it’s the story of my life. When I lose it thinking all is lost, then it all comes around only AFTER I already broke down. It really makes me think sometimes man.

A Dream In The Spring Of 2009

And as I fell to and from a deep sleep,
A magical animal rushed out from the mural.
From a painting on the wall, a lion crawled out of art.
It roared in the dim candle light.

Then when my Mother was in the hills of Ireland
during the season of Spring,
Enclosed with the trees of moist wonder and random Sun rays,
She threw rose and carnation petals into the whirlwind.
The Shaman god of Wind let the flowers float with the elements.

~Thats what I saw in that Dream Man~
My Head Said It*

This Was A Dream of Judgement Day in Alaska

In this dream regarding the end of the world as we know it, I seen the city in the distance blow up. Explosion after explosion until in an instant, it drew closer and closer. I started to run, it was pointless. Next to a gas empowered plant, I close my eyes to accept my fate as ash. Suddenly, as I expect my mortal life to die by fire among millions, a creature abducted me and pulled me under ground. This creature… Looked like the body and face of Maynard James Keenan covered in coats of mud with an umbilical cord extending from what should’ve indicated gender. Much like the video of Weak and Powerless. And as I thought I’d die before being brought underground, it spoke… Regarding every revelation, it said,
“You will live to see all things.”
There, occurred great earthquakes.

~And I Predicted Them~

I Received This Mysterious Piece Of Paper When I Was 20. I Was Working At THe INN At Face Rock

(God’s Little Message)

Hi, Person from Housekeeping

We have tried to clean up a little for you hopin it will bless you and also give you a little extra time to read this.

We are Christians and are tryin to learn how to listen to God. I think the Lord wanted us to tell you something. Even though this may seem a little strange (or maybe real strange!) I want to be faithful to speak it out. If it fits for you, take it as from God himself. If not, just figure we haven’t learned how to listen very carfully yet! Anyway, the Lord showed me a big bunch of healthy fruit: Bananas, peaches, grapes, oranges, apples, and on and on. Then he reminded me of a verse in the bible talking about fruit: Galatians 5:22
“The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control…”

He said you already possess many of these attributes and you will continue to grow in them and be used to bless many people in your life. The one attribute you may be weak in is self-control, and that has gotten you in trouble before. But don’t worry, if you look to him and let him fill you with his spirit, you will grow strong in that area too.

Well, thats it. If for any reason you want to call and talk about this, Please feel free to do so.

John and Laura

(This Was Left Behind With A Bouquet of Roses at a Sweet I Coincidentally Was Assigned to Clean at Work, Along Beach Loop Drive at Home, In Bandon Oregon. This was in the Summer of 2003: 3 Years After The Beginning of The Millennium. 3 Years After I Was Baptized During My Psychosis)

Dublin Castle

We went to Dublin Castle on a travel excursion shortly after I had talked to who I miss the most back at home. I talked to her for hours as I had wished (not knowing it would be possible to happen before hand). And when we went to this castle. I seen things I never knew of at all. Discovered things uncovered from archeological excavations, things of kings, monarchs, mistresses, people of historical power. People of Irish Royalty and European Protestant Politics. It was quit amazing. Like most of all the experiences here (save you the hardships).
I could only elaborate on a few things I believe to stand out to me. Yeah, this was where all the vital politics were discussed. I literally stood in the Royal Room where the European Protestant Monarchs and Irish Kings debated futuristic welfare for all of Ireland. A place where World-Leaders lended there contributions to all the things Inter-related with World Events the Irish were among. A Place were Bill Clinton, himself, sat at in Conference with Kings, Monarchs, Bishops, and other ‘Peace-Treaty’ People of World Power. It was a place I don’t believe we were allowed to take pictures at.
There were so many Royal Chandeliers, High-King Thrones, Historical Murals, Hyper-Religious Art, and Statues of Lion-like Power. There were halls of Medieval Descendants. There was elements of remarkable past-times. Countless amount of things to see and believe. I was goin’ apes hit with my camera.
True Story

And before the tour of Dublin Castle came to an end, we were brought to the places of basement and what is actually beneath the castle. It was displayed that recently in time, there was an archeological excavation that literally uncovered Walls that were never known to exist. This occurred within these last couple centuries. It was acknowledged that these truths that came to surface were the products of things that had to do with the VIKINGS of the 8TH CENTURY. There were water motes beneath the Castle that uncovered walls deeper than whats been known before the 17th century. Walls that the Vikings made for long ancient periods of history. The Vikings were the ones to Found Dublin 13 centuries ago between 8 and 9 hundred A.D.

After these things were seen and experienced, I went to the gift shop and got remarkable souvenirs.

~The Legend of St. Patrick and St. Patrick's Day~

To elaborate on the rich relevance of St. Patrick’s Day, I believe it is vital to understand St. Patrick and what he came to be known for historically. He was the Saint that brought Christianity to Ireland when it was once Pagan before this. He met with High Kings at the Hill of Tara. The Kings of Old did not understand this religion he was attempting to bring into Ireland. When he conducted a ceremonial fire on the Hill of Slain, he attracted the attention and outrage of the Kings from the Hill of Tara because it was not custom to do such things. When he introduced his logic, he picked up a shamrock, a 3-leaf-clover, and explained ‘The Father, The Son, and the Holy Ghost.’ A vital trilogy that seemed to ring a bell considering the siginicance of the number 3. Perhaps his use of the Shamrock caught enough validity to the Irish Kings of Old, though they honestly acknowledged that their age was too elderly to relate. However, The Kings of Old allowed St. Patrick to carry on with Christianity in Ireland. Many converts came after though there was an ongoing conflict between Catholics and Protestants (of England).

Many, many centuries later, during the Transatlantic relations between The United States and Ireland in the 17th and 18th century, St. Patrick’s Day became the hugest festival and annual celebration marking Ireland’s spirit, heroism, and enduring culture that was becoming recognized in America. This was only possible because certain particular politics became possible in the United States of America that could not occur in Ireland due to British oppression, and many other historical factors. Regarding Irish immigration to America, at first there was a lot of condescending impressions in America about Irish immagration. St. Patrick’s Day was a day that reflected on all the optimsim that is rich within Ireland’s history and the way it relates with the United States.

Over the following decades to come, Irish-Americans in New York held festivals, sermons, parades, speeches, toasts, and times of reflection regarding a hard past that had lended itself to quit an engaged merit of strength, considering what the culture of Ireland has been through. My new-found understanding and comprehension of such truths has personally helped me with a sense identity regarding the detrimental experience I’ve prevailed against. So I have already related to retaining a deeper sense of this celebration and the way it may be synonymous to my life, and my heritage.

A member of The Society of the Friendly Sons of Patrick had spoke of a commendable virtue that had to do with uniting Catholics and Protestants within a Christian botherhood in the United States because the religious hatred between the two had adverse divisions and results in Ireland. This acknowledgement was enthusiastically applauded on St. Patrick’s Day, March 17th, 1853. A lot of the struggles in Ireland became triumphs in America.

The Arch Bishop John hughes had honorably spoke of the determination and unshakable faith of the Irish people, despit the suffering of the potatoe famine and British oppression. And where as Arch Bishop Hughes had spoke of Ireland’s faith and endurance in the worst conditions, it was Leiutenant Colonel Doheny who further elaborated on what Arch Bishop Hughes didn’t: the spirit of the Irish Brigade, and how amazingly brave they became for standing against the largest elite of the world in England, the British world power, and defeating Great Britain in times of Britain’s attempt to intrude and oppress. It was Micheal Collins who lead Ireland to it’s Independence.

I find it incredibly mind-blowing that Ireland subsequently became known as Great Britain’s nemesis for this. It is such a vital part of history to me because Ireland was the underdog, the one of the least odds in times that a world power sought to take a land of people they had underestimated. This was a proud truth that was held high in the celebration of St. Patrick’s Day in America.

However, there was a lot of pessimistic opinions of Irish immigrants in the United States because of how rapid and common immagration became due to the famine putting Ireland’s people into exile. Regarding this truth, a man named Thomas Francis Meagher made an analogical proclaimation about what could come of America if the Irish spirit could be embraced within the United States. Supposing America was a young giant, in the context of the success that was established with the Constitution, and how it became the strongest and most affective governing regarding freedom, the seperation of the Church and State, and the right to liberty; perhaps the roots of Ireland’s legacy can be blood within this giant’s veins, for the future conquests to come. This metaphorical implication suggested embracing Ireland’s people for what they may contribute to the United States, considering what they’ve endured themselves.

St. Patrick’s Day was tremendously celebrated over the short years to come. The validity of this day became beyond obvious when in 1849, it was attended by around 1500 people. Then not even two decades later, it went from a number of a thousand and a half to forty thousand people. Things became so huge regarding this festival, that American media began to put a bad light on the Irish men because of the hysteria that surfaced over this in the streets of New York. Eventually there was a lack of balance between violence and militia, even though there was, and still is, honorable Irish and American symbols combined at the same time. Symbols of the Green flag and Golden Harp, which represented the heart of Ireland; raised at the same time as the American Flag, the fifty stars and thirteen strips. It entailed Nationalism with Irish Identity as well as Unity within respectable American values.

St. Patrick was so successful in his converts far before the United States Came to be, that he was hailed with a Cathedral in Dublin. In the 12th century, this Cathedral was erected in memory of him and his impact and accomlishments in Ireland. Though it was definitely long ago, I found it to be remarkable that Sir Benjamin Guinness made it a point to restore all the desecration, damage, and neglect that St. Patrick’s Cathedral suffered previously in time. The reason I see it to be remarkable and significant is because all the damage and desecration was restored to the Cathedral in Ireland practically at the same time St. Patrick’s Day became huge in the United States, around 1860. I think this is very relational historically. And though I am not certain, if it was feasible to suppose that Arthur Guinness and Benjamin Guinness’ were of a relational fortune regarding the recipe for the success of a brew that is ‘Forever Ireland’ in a way, maybe the generous wealth that had came from that brew had something to do with the wealth that was donated towards re-erecting a Vital Cathedral in the name of St. Patrick. It is a good question to wonder.

Today, St. Patrick’s Cathedral is one of the richest religious pinnacles in all of Ireland. It is historically renown for the legend of St. Patrick and his place in Ireland’s extraordinary story for all these previous centuries...

Theres No Place Like Home, Theres No Place Like Home...

I find that Home is my sanctuary. My place where I go to be away from the worries of the world. I know I miss a lot of those from home that fell away from my everyday communicating. I guess I have to make my own way down the road I'll pave for my own. In a way, my whole life has been battles between fantasies and insanities. And I honestly have felt oppressed by my own childhood fantasies of me being that figure that COULD make a difference, compared to the realities of me being no where near there now. Whether it was ever imagined to of happened for the multitudes, or one significant lucky lovely lady, I believe in myself even when I render what doubt is about. 17 and 24 are two very different ages huh? I'm sure that is why I'm fascinated with the figure of what a Lion is. Metaphorically, socially, emotionally, and spiritually. I know Love itself is so powerful that it is often regarded as the highest hope. Too many people are afraid of feeling it though. It used to be, "Nobody wants to be alone." Since this Age of Aquarius its more like, "Nobody wants to be confined." I just don't and won't believe in that though. I believe everything happens for a reason and I appreciate the people that have always been there for me even when I couldn't do the same for them. I try to come to grips with everything I ever took for granted. I know that what goes around WILL always come around and the fear of never livin' up to my biggest ambitious wishes beats down my every day life. But once again, there is no place like home. I can be very emotional because I'm a pretty sensitive person at times. My heart is huge and I overwhelm myself much less anyone else. And in the light of my dreams, though it was long ago, I have envisioned myself harnessing the unity of a newer generation that relies more on encouragement, ambition, faith, music, love, intelligence, and strength in the trying times of our conflicted era that’s seems more oriented around money and materialism. To have imagine havin' that happen... Perhaps it could've or would've been possible through the Fine Arts*

This Was Written When I was 23 or 24 Years Old between Winter & Spring: 2007

A Word Of Thanks

I'm honestly not sure about who or how much people are in touch with what I'm up to through the internet here in Ireland, but for those that ARE, whether I'm aware of ya or not, I think it’s awesome that you've been lookin' into what I do here in Dublin over-seas in Ireland. I really appreciate it too. I just wanted to acknowledge to those close to me, that I've been very devoted to my books (Hell, one of them is on the main page for AHA International of the United States) and both of them (though they are technically called "Blogs," and are quit different from eachother) have been very modified and updated lately.

The first one is of me and I've updated more to the story that was published in Bandon, Oregon long ago regarding my Psychosis in high school when I was 17. That was actually published in "The Western World" even though they censored and edited my work against my will.

The other is this one that is specifically having to do with my present life in Ireland. A lot of people have seen these things and have acknowledged an interest in them.

I'm havin' a HELLUVA lot of fun here in this place of the world that seems to explain a lot about me and my ancient roots. Take Care Over There In The States! : ) I'll Be Crumin' Home in 3 weeks! ;)

This Was My Fourth Of July: I Met Some Crazy Cool Irish Friends: )

They names were David and Anthony. They were cool as hell and they were stoked about my American company. We were all gettin' tuned with the Guinness. They noticed my speech, my Irish Beard, and my Bandanna. We were all laughin' our asses off. They make crazy implications to American women and about American women. Hell, in dumb drunk sarcasm, one of them even started hitting on ME. I Shoved him back laughin' about how he was oughtta hand. Then after that he damn sure kept his distance even though he told me I was handsome. Crazy Irish Metro Playboy I guess. Humor.

And Anthony man, I dug him a lot. That other one I chose to know less about I guess, (The one that was hitting on me) he said I am Axel Rose. I said, "Nah, I ain't. He's a bitch and he whines too much. I'm CRUM and that Bandanna is more me being an adventurer."

Tony knew his Mega American Metal so in all alcohol involved, I was like HELL YEAH, you in my book man. I Told them I like Manson, Maynard, 2Pac & Jesus. They were like "WOW. Quit different from each other lad" :) Very Funny convo came after. Nicole Started Rollin' a little bit.

David runs web-designs and gave me his business card. I know once the Facebook Race puts us in touch, I'd catch up with them in a heart beat.

But David and Anthony, in Clare County, Western Ireland, they clicked with me in an instant man. I dug those guys. They were quit entertained with my supersocial presence. David said (Irish accent) "You have a very deep and strong accent lad." I was like, 'Yeah I do. Thats true even in America at Home too." Regarding drunk krak (Which is Irish terminology for "Good Times") they spoke of sluts either to me or possibly about sluts in front of this fellow American friend of mine that was there. It wasn't outrageous at all, it WAS over the top though but thats fun. When I said, "Well, I think Whores and Sluts are Precious, myself." They all smiled wonderin' what I'd say next. "Don't get me wrong, I despise hoes and skanks" (I've only met a few of them in my life too for the record) These Irish men became friends in a minute askin' what the difference was. And yeah, I broke it down:)

When I did, my lady friend here, Nicole, it was SO hilarious she started havin' a laugh attack. Just straight ROLLIN'.
She lost her breath and It was kinda contagious because everybody else just started laughin' they drunk asses off too. I guess I was bein' a comedian again and my live Guinness language got good. I had a blast!! They had a Blast!! We ALL Had a Blast!!

When I Damn Near Died (Though It Was Before Ireland, It Is Important To ME)

On Sunday, April 19th, I damn near died. It was Mt. Ashland, Ski Patrol, a helicopter, and the Rogue Valley Hospital that saved my life. I got in a bad snowboarding accident on the last day at Mt. A.

I damn near died “hittin’ the trees.”

I was just comin’ round the corner like I’m magic, and I was gonna blast into the jump at the tree line and I missed by about 5 to 10 feet cause I was goin’ too fast. I hit a tree. My arms, my ribcage, my stomach, and my head. I flipped in the snow after I hit. Then I was screaming to Jake Prayer to tell me where I was. The Sun was so bright that I could see the reflections in the snow. Then I saw a lot of flashes and sparkles and holograms in the snow. (I stood up and snowboarded the rest of the way down the mountain.) I collapsed at the bottom of the run. Ski Patrol was right there. When Malone snowmobiled me to the medical room, Jake said he heard the most intense agony he’s ever been in front of. I was comin’ either in or out of shock and I was screaming to breath and breathing to scream. I rolled over in the ambulance and barely was able to say “I’m havin’ a fuckin’ hard time breathin’ man.” They called for the Helicopter. They put morphine in me and wrapped my head in a neck brace. I began living through tubes and needles. But it was the helicopter ride that saved my life.
They said they put four units of blood into my body while I was on the stretcher in the helicopter. That kept me alive in ariel transit from the mountain to the hospital. They cut my gut open and told me they removed more than 3 liters of blood in my body. My spleen wasn’t ruptured, it was liternally ripped apart. I almost died from internal bleeding. If I was transported in an ambulance and not a helicopter, I would not have made it. All the nurses and medical professionals told me how lucky I was. I was only minutes from passing on. After emergency surgery, I was honored to find out how many people were there for me when I was out of intensive care. I guess I was the one patient who had the most amount of visits that the hospital has seen in a half a week. And life at the point was cool in the hospital because things seemed survived so I treated it all with a sense of strength & humor and was just moreso mellow, soar, and sedated.
But after I got out of that hospital and I was on my way home. I was sitting passenger in my Pathfinder while Donnie was driving us home and my parents were driving their car. I was wearing my Rosta Bob Marley Wig. As I started to realize I was heading home, I was listening to a lot of the music I love. I heard the song called ‘Medicate’ By Breaking Benjamin and I was listening to it loud. And I started to think and feel some things. And even though that accident was on Sunday, it was Friday morning that it hit me: I was medicating up the freeway and it dawned on me that I was still here. That I damn near died. I began to cry because I realized how great it felt to be alive. I wondered to myself what it might be like if I wasn’t here to see was is in front of me. As well as ‘why I was actually here feeling what I’m feeling’ when I broke down. I cried such happy tears when I knew I damn near wasn’t here anymore.
And over the time shortly after, the music I love became magnified in my soul, the beach was 12 times more gorgeous than ever before, and I found out how much I meant to many people. I discovered a lot more to believe in. And I was only 2 to 7 minutes away from catching up with Hebert again.

But it feels SO GOOD to be ALIVE.

And I Thank God*

My First Nightmare In Ireland: Probably Withdrawals from Lack of "Recreation Medicine"

I had my first nightmare in Ireland. It was that damn Joker… I was in a movie that I couldn’t see existing at all. It was a sequal to The Dark Knight. That Joker kept fuckin’ with me. I was Batman’s assistant or side kick in this film. As certain things happened, I can remember what I felt and saw. Even though it was all fucked up.

That damn Joker began to torment me. He didn’t notice who I was and that I had affiliations with Batman or that I even knew who HE was when he disguised himself among many happy oblivious people. I knew he was there for Evil. As I watched what I saw, knowing where things were going and being equally terrified, I observed from the outside and just watched him and his actions. My fear became intense and Batman’s ass was no-where to be seen. The Joker was tricky and intelligent, meaning he caught on to me quickly. And when he did, that is when the essence of a TRUE nightmare became too much for me.

He was relentless in tormenting me and I noticed that before he knew who I was and directed himself to me personally, in this movie, he somehow had the ability to morph into people he really wasn’t. He was among many happy high-class citizens laughing and drinking lavish wine with harmless people who were having a good time. I myself, in my own mind, I was like, “Oh My God, What The Fuck?!” My eyes grew wide as I became more terrified being the only to know what was really going on. I did not wanna act until Batman showed up even though it seemed like he was taking his sweet-ass time.

When he caught on to me, he didn’t physically torture me, he behaved in ways that excited the most bullshit fears I’ve ever had to handle. He kept manipulating my emotions like I was a puppet. He was very delighted about this. In my own outrage and strange helplessness, I was like, “How the HELL are they gonna make a Sequal to the DARK KNIGHT after HEATH LEDGER IS DEAD?!!” “How the Hell could he possibly come back from the dead to even DO THIS?!!” “And Why The HELL am I in this movie when It feels like MORE THAN A FUCKIN’ FILM?!!” That Damn Joker’s Wicked laugh haunted me and his eyes were WAY too unpredictable for me to even THINK of comfort or safety. Batman DID show up though man.

And when he did, my demeanor changed. I was ready to battle. Things got extremely chaotic and violent. Batman started beatin’ his ass even though the Joker was putting up a hell of a fight in return. The hysteria was like a commotion larger than an explosion or a relentless ocean. Batman gave me battle abilities he taught me seemingly in a second. And I had my violent contributions to the damage The Joker received. And everything became hay-wired. The Joker being incognito was no-longer secret at all.

I have not had such an intense nightmare since all those amazing morphine dreams I had in April at that hospital when I had almost died after my gut got cut open and stapled shut.

And yeah, I found out in reality that I was definitely trippin’ man. My roommate here in my host home told me I was yelling in my sleep. He said, “Yeah man, you were yelling in your sleep. You kept saying, ‘Let’s GET HIM!! LET’S GET HIM!!’” I woke him up in a heartbeat, disrupting his rest.

Of Course I laughed as much as I apologized. It was only funny after I was awake. But regarding the bullshit of a true nightmare, I know it has something to do with medicine I am lacking. The only other time in my life that I’ve had intense, frightening terrifying nightmares was when my psychology was without my organic “recreation medicine.” My organic recreation medication assist my academic production, my creative endeavors, AND my sleeping pattern tremendously. It is illegal here in Ireland but not at home in America. I do anticipate more nightmares but this one was crazier than Hell for me, honestly.

And After The Short Astonishing Time in Ireland... U.V.I.

*Personal Goals and Reasons for Exchange Participation*

Even in a lot of the creative work I have done, I have expressed a genuine interest or curiosity to honestly be beyond my own comfort zone. More particularly, I have always desired to dwell in tropic and exotic locations, warm water islands. I have never known what could become possible for me at this University. When I received a piece of mail on behalf of the National Student Exchange that had acknowledged my qualifications for the chance to represent the University and venture into new lands, it took me by surprise because I was extremely honored to be chosen by own University to represent the College I come from, supposing I would live out my ambitions in tropical places. It has always been one of the primary things I wanted to find out about the most. Just the sense of adventure regarding gorgeous landscapes far from home is enough to excite me alone. I have created a website at Crumology.blogspot.com that is an excellent example of the many wishes I have harbored. Ultimately, due to this possibility, I would love to explore the Virgin Islands. I am in awe that the University granted this chance to me. I know that if I did not pursue this opportunity, I would definitely regret it later in life. I have always believed in myself and I know that I can hold myself well anywhere in the world. But to have a choice of travel that coincides with my academic development at Southern Oregon University… I know I would not look back or get cold feet about what I know I might be able to see. I would have the time of my life. Thank you for your consideration.

Feck It. I'm Goin' To Ireland!

Crum's Castle

I Am Justin Crum

This Is Me At The Carrick-a-Reed Bridge

~*~WHAT IT IS~*~

I found this deep in my Computer After I Went To Ireland

AHA International, They Gave Me The Honor of Being Their 1st Student To Transcribe My Adventures

Held Captive To My Dreams...

Once You Cross This Bridge ~ Nothing Stays The Same... Celtic Folklore

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The Belfast Castle~ Come Eat Dinner With Me, "I Got Pounds." : ]

1 comment:

On The State

In This Region of The World

Because I DO Believe in Magic

Like Diamonds Damnit : ]

Who I Am Up To This Point*

"33" Freshmen Year in 99

Relics and Treasures From So Long Ago*

Oh I Praise The LORD*

You'll Never Guess Where I Saw This At.

Above The Neolithic Lands

The Cross Of Scriptures...

Luminous

An Awesome Dungeon

It's All About You

You Couldn't Guess

Where The War-Lords Were

It Was All Too Good To Tell In An Email Man

Don't Be Sad Little Druid, It'll be Ok : )

Trim Castle: Claimed in My Own Mind-

At The Cliffs Of Moher

I Really Was In Awe Man...

A Hunger For Knowledge???

Lion-Like Power

Carrick-A-Reed Bridge. Northern Ireland. This Is BEAUTIFUL!! ; )

BADASS*

"We Are All Alloted To A Star" ~ Plato

This is my Personal Internet Book B4 & Aside From Ireland's Adventures

Above And Beyond (Thats What She Said Anyway...)

Study Abroad Program: Dublin Ireland

Interview For Indiana State University

Faith Can Take You To Places You've Never Seen Or Dreamed

~What I'll Miss and Wish For The Most~

~This Is My Friend Nina~

~The Most Remarkable Dream I've Ever Had In My Life~

A Gift Of Intuition...

I LOVE SWIMMIN

... Nothing More Than Fiction...

My First Few Days In A Nutshell.

Never Thought I'd See A Place Like This : )

~Dreams~

My Nightmares

These Were Some Of My Dreams

Dunlace Castle

A Tiger In An Idealized World

Certified For Tastin' Jameson

What I'd Wish For If The Choice Was Mine To Choose*

I Break Down Radical Nationalist Shit...

This Place Kinda Creeped Me Out.

Sir Crum Gustin and Saint Daniel

I've Been Growing a Little Irate & Restless Lately...

It's All Relative To The Size of The Steeple

This Stone Lion Is From ROME

This Is One Of The Greatest Places I've Ever Been To.

The Most Fuct Up Day I've Had Here In Ireland: July 14th*

Down In The Park*

A Dream In The Spring Of 2009

Maybe This Is Where My Mother Was In That Dream in The Spring Of 2009?

This Was A Dream of Judgement Day in Alaska

The Sunset At Giant's Cause Way

I Received This Mysterious Piece Of Paper When I Was 20. I Was Working At THe INN At Face Rock

I'm In Ireland @ Them MutherFuckin Castles!

Dublin Castle

Me at the Neolithic Lands of Western Ireland

~The Legend of St. Patrick and St. Patrick's Day~

Me, My Friend Daniel, & My Professor David

The Sunset to the Other Side of the Bay From Dun Laoghaire: Out Skirts & Suburbs of Dublin*

Theres No Place Like Home, Theres No Place Like Home...

Isn't It Beautiful?

~~WHAT IT IS~~